It's Important to inVest

Editor’s Note: If I were able to exercise any self-discipline/or show any self-restraint, this buckled fiesta of fun would never have entered my life. *tips hat to compulsive shopping problem/general habit of filling holes in life with weird/or whimsical articles of clothing*

One sweet, sunny August afternoon, I was walking down Robertson, silently repeating my perennial mantra, “You’re not allowed to buy anything. Seriously. You’re poor. You have no money. Stop trying to buy things. Seriously, stop that.” - when, lo and behold, an 80% OFF SALE sign appeared through the mist of smog.

Self/Savings-Sabotaging Brain: Well, well, well what do we have here.
S/S-S B: But it’s 80% off! Technically speaking, we’re saving money.
AB: Please see above.
S/S-B: I mean, we probably won’t find anything anyway.
AB: Oh, good point! Totally worth a look since we know we won’t find anything and stuff.

I barely glance over the interior racks before asking the sales clerk where the sale section is. (I’ve long since given up the insecure thing I used to do where I’d mill around the non-sale areas, pretending I could actually afford actual retail prices.) She directed me upstairs.

F*ck. Everything’s adorable. This can’t all be…

Me: Excuse me, which stuff is the sale stuff?
Sales Clerk: Everything on this floor.
Me: So, everything up here?

Yes, Stacie, that’s exactly what ‘everything on this floor means’.

Okay. Deep breath. Just because it’s on sale doesn’t mean you have to buy it.
Just because it’s on sale and super adorable doesn’t mean you have to buy it. 
Just because it’s on sale and super adorable and fits like a dream doesn’t mean you have to buy it.

I settle on the above NO KA’OI utility vest, a Rag and Bone wool-cashmere trench, and a grey faux fur Shrimpies coat with a pink daisy splashed across the back. You know, staples.

I thought I’d get to wear the utility vest at Burning Man, but I ran out of afternoons…so it made its big debut the following Sunday at Church Key brunch. ($15 bottomless mimosas, heyoooo.)  One of its main utilities is instilling you with lots of confidence. Upon entrance, I did a full circle around our table so my very patient/supportive friends could check out its many, versatile, amply-sized pockets.

This photo is actually from stop #2 of the day - blueberry chicken wing-fest at Hyperion Public. Because this was the Sunday that just kept...on...going.

How amply-sized? Ample enough to comfortably stow this little pig:

For people who like to carry things other than puppies, NO KA’OI says this vest is actually designed to “store all your yoga essentials without sacrificing style”. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHHAHAHA. HAHAHA. HAHAHA. HA. HA. No, but seriously, you can apparently fit your yoga mat in the back pocket and use the front pockets for smaller items, whatever those may be. I, personally, am going to stick to canines. 

Two downsides:
1.  Slight nipple chafing. I’d recommend Band-Aids/or pasties.
2. You may meet too many strangers to keep track of/wake up the next morning with several texts from unrecognizable numbers. Apparently, when you’re that excited about your vest, everyone else gets really excited about you.

All in all, it got about 638 thumbs up – from me and all the lovely digit-possessing souls I crossed paths with on that blissfully never-ending Sunday. 

It's currently on sale at YOOX for $255, but if you don’t feel like dropping a few hundred bucks on a glorified fishing vest, here's a smattering of other more accessible options: 

Safeways LED Running Vest - $22.99 at Kohl's
DSquared2 Vest - $130 at TheRealReal
Utility Surveyor Safety Vest - $20.49 at eSafety Supplies
ML Kishigo Enhanced Visibility Vest - $52 at Full Source

I really wanted to wear mine with a vintage silk half slip, but I couldn't find one to fit the bill, so I went with a full-length wrap skirt from BCBG, my favorite handmade, vintage blue shoes, excessively large hoops, and braids. Do with that what you will.