This torrid little tale (definition 1, not 2), is just another example of how idiot douchebags underrate the practicality slash logic of anyone wearing anything that doesn’t say BRO-CAL across the front. Ahem.
Last Saturday, I had grand plans for the day:
- Manhattan Beach to play a little volleyball
- BBQ at a friend’s place in the occasionally breezy Hills above WeHo
- Possibly a quick stop-by at another friend’s nearby pool party
- Hotel Cafe to see a friend’s band perform
You will notice that nowhere in these plans was there a scheduled stop back home. (I’m a huge fan of expedition slash efficiency.)
Sooo how exactly was I to dress? In the magically fickle city of Los Angeles, you can never be sure that boiling temperatures won’t drop to hypothermic levels when the sun goes down. And a bathing suit isn’t exactly out-on-the-town attire, especially when it is guaranteed to end up in the ocean at some point.
I decided on a black sheer blouse (complete with vertical back cut-outs) tied over my orange bikini, my fav ruffly skirt and ShoeMint’s Hejsa Sandal.
I felt officially prepared to take on the entirety of my day, no matter what it should bring.
When I got to MB, I found a stellar parking spot, just a few blocks from my friend’s place. As I trekked over, I hit a crosswalk at the same time as a couple of surfers. A peripheral glance led me to believe they were decently attractive, but my ego prevented any sort of a full assessment.
As we crossed, one of the surfers took note of the a-hole driver who almost took me out, tossing a conspiratorial comment my way. I smiled shyly, in recognition of his remark, keeping my eyes glued to my BlackBerry in heightened awkward timidity.
I turned left and they continued straight. As they passed the bushes on the corner, Surfer #1’s friend muttered a query of his own. With a tone. “How can you wear all black to the beach?”
First of all, I can still hear you.
Second of all, hashtag go f*ck yourself.
Thirdly, I would be more than happy to break it down for you.
And that hat is disgusting.