Last night, I met up with imawkwardlyreallyawkwardtoo for a couple rounds of last minute cocktails. This Honor Bar session was to serve two purposes: 1. To continue plotting our world domination 2. To figure out why the F the young man she was supposed to be out with - Emphasis on young. Because he’s younger. Rawr. - had decided to eat dinner without her.
This conversation got lengthy.
Boy had made activity-unspecific plans with her for the evening. As pick-up time neared, she had to push it back slightly, due to a work conflict. Shortly thereafter, she texted him that she was back in action. He replied, asking if they could meet up later. Much later.
Why? Because he was just sitting down to dinner with a friend.
Oh. Right. Totally. Of course.
She let him know that A. His newly proposed time was, indeed, too late and B. There was no need for him to make it up to her another night.
He seemed surprised. Seriously?
This brought to mind a similar experience of my own.
A gentleman I had been to drinks with a few times asked if he could take me out on the upcoming Friday. I said yes. Friday, he texted to lay out the details, explaining that his post-work commitments would probably last until 9 or 10. Oh, and he would probably be eating there.
Ahh. How fascinating.
Needless to say, I didn’t exactly swoon. This gentleman also seemed surprised by the lackluster reaction his comments had elicited.
How do these men-children not see the error in their all-too-casual ways?!
imawkwardlyreallyawkwardtoo and I began to wonder if we mistakenly set an ultra-lax tone from the beginning. We’re both easygoing to an occasional fault and are generally more than willing to go with the flow and play things by ear…but there is a line. And when this line is crossed, we quickly shift from gypsy-boho-whateverstotallyfinewithme to Type sarcastic A-hole. Is this shift too quick? Is there a specific trigger?
Maybe. And yes. Dinner. The trigger is dinner. Are we totally cool grabbing drinks and hanging out at random dive bars? Absolutely. Are we totally cool grabbing drinks and hanging out at random dive bars after you just told us you pushed back our date time to eat dinner with your friend? Absolutely not.
Why? Maybe because men have spent half their lives telling us the difference between the girls they take to dinner and the girls they take straight to the bar for tequila shots. One such man even brought this up when he and I were two courses deep:
"If I didn’t like talking to you, I would have just asked you if you wanted to get a drink."
"Why would you take someone to drinks, if you don’t even like having a conversation with them?"
"Why do you think?"
Charming. Noted. Guard promptly reinstated in its upward and locked position.
Back at Honor Bar: As we reached to pay our check, our server askedimawkwardlyreallyawkwardtoo for her phone number - his friend had wanted to stop by our table to ask her to coffee, but he didn’t get a chance.
He should probably tell his friend to make sure there’s a scone with that latte.