JDate Jeffrey: Hey, it's Jeffrey. I made an 845 reservation at Eveleigh. Does that work for you? Also, happy to pick you up, unless you'd prefer to meet there...
Me: Hey! 8:45 is perfect. I might meet you there bc I'll be coming from a work thing. Also because I think you might be an axe murderer.
JDJ: Fair enough. But I can assure you that I'm not an ax murderer. The blood gets everywhere - it's just a mess. I prefer hiring someone to do my dirty work (I'm Jewish)
Me: Thank God. I don't care how I go, so long as the scene is spotless.
MY FIRST JDATE! When I first signed up for that bastion of #truejews, I expected my inbox to be inundated with messages from its millions of John Krasinskis**. Hundreds of John Krasinskis? Ten? One. Can I just get one.
What I did get were a lot of "flirts" from the 5'4" population.
Is that even a real height? And how are there so many of you? And why do all of you want to date a 5'11" chick who's not even a member of the tribe? (...yet. I have been informed by many a Jewish friend that I am most welcome in their circle. Ahem.)
Clocking in at 6'1", JDJ is a good-looking guy with a seemingly decent to above par personality. We realize pretty quickly we've already started a chat on Tinder as well.
JDJ: I guess neither of us thinks the other is attractive or intriguing at all.
Me: Pretty sure that Tinder nod was a drunk swipe. Here...let's just say the competition's not exactly fierce.
We decide to share a meal. I'm excited to be going on another first date - let's get some new blood in here!
I arrive late to Eveleigh, coming in hot from my work event.
Me: I'm so sorry! My gay bestie needed a ride home from the event and he's quite possibly the slowest moving human ever invented.
JDJ: Don't worry about it; you're fine. You should have brought him with you!
Smart. If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my gays -- er, perhaps not with exactly...
We chat about a lot of things. Mostly my things, as that's where he keeps steering the convo. Smooth. He starts to inquire about my work projects, but changes his mind, saying he'd rather hear about my blog and my comedy writing, since it sounds like that's where my passion lies. Straight to the passion. Super smooth.
Born in LA, JDJ loves his family, loves his job, loves his life...who knew there were so many well-adjusted men nestled in the bosom of this city?
We close the place down and debate, but decide against, seeking out another bar.
JDJ: We should continue this somewhere else later in the week.
Me: Yeah, that'd be fun!
He walks me to my car and we hug it out goodbye.
JDJ: Home safely?
Me: Safe and sound ☺
Me: Haha I trust you're home safe as well?
JDJ: Nope. Drunk driving accident. In the drunk tank - with my cell. Bail me out tomorrow and we can continue? ☺
Me: Sorry, I think you have the wrong number?
Super excited to break out my shiksa necklace for date 2. In a totally creepy I-plan-on-marrying-you kind of way.
*not his real name
**I also thought, at the time, that John Krasinski was Jewish. I have since been informed he is not. Awkward. (I still love you, JK. Forever.)