All Black All Day

This torrid little tale (definition 1, not 2), is just another example of how idiot douchebags underrate the practicality slash logic of anyone wearing anything that doesn’t say BRO-CAL across the front. Ahem.

Last Saturday, I had grand plans for the day:

  1. Manhattan Beach to play a little volleyball
  2. BBQ at a friend’s place in the occasionally breezy Hills above WeHo
  3. Possibly a quick stop-by at another friend’s nearby pool party
  4. Hotel Cafe to see a friend’s band perform

You will notice that nowhere in these plans was there a scheduled stop back home. (I’m a huge fan of expedition slash efficiency.)

Sooo how exactly was I to dress? In the magically fickle city of Los Angeles, you can never be sure that boiling temperatures won’t drop to hypothermic levels when the sun goes down.  And a bathing suit isn’t exactly out-on-the-town attire, especially when it is guaranteed to end up in the ocean at some point.

I decided on a black sheer blouse (complete with vertical back cut-outs) tied over my orange bikini, my fav ruffly skirt and ShoeMint’s Hejsa Sandal.

In my DIYed carryall, I packed my Suki Boots, socks, a bag of accessories, a black slip dress and a leopard print bralette.

Great success.

I felt officially prepared to take on the entirety of my day, no matter what it should bring.

When I got to MB, I found a stellar parking spot, just a few blocks from my friend’s place.  As I trekked over, I hit a crosswalk at the same time as a couple of surfers.  A peripheral glance led me to believe they were decently attractive, but my ego prevented any sort of a full assessment.

As we crossed, one of the surfers took note of the a-hole driver who almost took me out, tossing a conspiratorial comment my way. I smiled shyly, in recognition of his remark, keeping my eyes glued to my BlackBerry in heightened awkward timidity.

I turned left and they continued straight. As they passed the bushes on the corner, Surfer #1’s friend muttered a query of his own. With a tone. “How can you wear all black to the beach?”

First of all, I can still hear you.

Second of all, hashtag go f*ck yourself.

Thirdly, I would be more than happy to break it down for you.

And that hat is disgusting.