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My mother recently read a blog post of mine which alluded to my making out with a boy in the front seat of my car. Then this conversation happened:
My Mother: You know, no one has to marry you if you just go and give it all away.
Me: Mom, I don't think I want anyone to feel like they have to marry me.
MM: (Pause.) (Long pause.) (Longer pause.) Hm.
...
...
...
Lord help us all if I ever make it to the backseat.
INT. RALPH’S GROCERY CO - NIGHT
STACIE is exiting the store with her mother, JUDY. Hands full of groceries; head full of so many other things.
JUDY
What did you think of him?! I think he liked you.
STACIE
The checkout man? Seriously??
JUDY
He was a nice, good-looking guy!
STACIE
HE WAS BALDING AND WEARING AN ORANGE VEST, MOM.
Someone’s getting desperate. Hint: It’s not me.