The Californians: Recruiter Edition

Dear Recruiters,

Lie to me about office culture. Lie to me about the likelihood of promotion. You can even get shady on the salary front. Don't you dare lie to me about the commute.

Freelancers Everywhere


Recruiter: Great. So we'd love to bring you in next Monday or Tuesday, if either of those work for your schedule.

Me: Ok cool, that sounds great. Tuesday should work just fine. Where are the offices located?

Recruiter: Just south of downtown. We're in what's called Vernon. It's actually much easier to get to than all that downtown stuff.

Vernon?? Where the F is Vernon. This sounds smoggy. And murky. And very, very far away.

Me: Ah. Nice. 

Recruiter: Where do you live?

Me: Beverly Hills.

Recruiter: Ok, great. Yeah, so it's just a straight shot down the 10 from Beverly Hills. That's an easy drive. 


"straight shot down the 10"




With a commute like that, I'm sure my day will consist of several straight shots...down the hatch.

I'm a Blogger

The scene: A half-way to grown up house party The crowd: Writer-types & the masochistic girls who date them

Dude: So what do you do?

Dude is 5’8”-ish, awkwardly pompous & an oddly sallow shade of pale.

Deep breath. In the interest of pandering to the over-literate-under-original masses, I reply.

Me: I’m a writer

Skepticism. Bemused left eyebrow. Strange twitchy flare in the nostril region.

Dude: Oh, really? What are you working on now?

Me: My memoirs. Also known as my blog. And I freelance for —-

Dude: Ohhhh. So you’re a blogger.

Pigeonhole found.

This is why I don’t speak to short men.